Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize