Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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