party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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