Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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