Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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