I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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