four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
