Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
