I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
