Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
babies were throwing up all over the place
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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