There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize