plz talk dirty to me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she smelled like a LAN party
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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