Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
