we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
