somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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