I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize