My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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