I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
