What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
