I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize