I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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