They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
