Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
