I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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