I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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