Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
