If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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