I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
