Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
