Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
