He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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