Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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