Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
