Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
