If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
