You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
