Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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