I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
