you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This baby is an asshole
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
