I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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