bring money and cleavage
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
