As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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