If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
