i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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