i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
