Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
