I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize