addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
