piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
