to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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