Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i drank out of a bidet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize