: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
