I CAN MOONWALK!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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