we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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