i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
