If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
