In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
