You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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