Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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