The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love having hate sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
