a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
