If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
