i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize