the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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