I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
