a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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