Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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