Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
