I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
