I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
