After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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