I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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