Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
